


we didn't have to run that far.

by thequeenofokay



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-03-29 03:58:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3881407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequeenofokay/pseuds/thequeenofokay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She’s still an outsider here, no matter how hard they try to tell her she’s one of them now. She wants to believe it – they’ve given her back her memories and given her a chance at the life she had before.</p>
<p>She’s not sure she wants that life back.</p>
<p>// kara searches for home. it takes a while to find.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we didn't have to run that far.

**Author's Note:**

> \+ i just want these two to be safe and happy okay?? that's all i'm asking??
> 
> \+ anyway. bittersweet fic bc apparently i can't stop myself.
> 
> \+ title from "brooklyn lullaby" by gian visciano

 

**i.**

They give Kara a room of her own. It’s not big – just a bed and a set of drawers for her things. Not that she has anything. She left it all behind in her house in Mexico. They give her a little stack of Shield issue clothing to make up for it, but it’s not the same. It’s not the clothes she and Grant bought together.

They watch her. She knows they’re pretending to accept her, but… she can feel it. They watch her. She’s still an outsider here, no matter how hard they try to tell her she’s one of them now. She wants to believe it – they’ve given her back her memories and given her a chance at the life she had before.

She’s not sure she wants that life back.

They still grimace every time she mentions Grant. She tried to explain, once, to them, that he’s a  _good_ person.

‘Is that why he left you here?’ they’d asked.

(She doesn’t know – she doesn’t understand why he left. Coulson just tells her it was because he “had to”. She doesn’t know where Grant is. She doesn’t know if he’s okay.)

 

 

 

**ii.**

She doesn’t sleep at night. Bobbi takes pity on her. She takes her aside and hands her a plastic bag.

‘Don’t let them know I gave this to you,’ she says. ‘Most of them don’t think it’s healthy for you to be reminded of him.’ Inside there’s a couple of battered old books and a few shirts. ‘It’s the things that were left in Ward’s bunk after –’

She breaks off. She gives Kara a searching sort of look, but Kara doesn’t know quite what to say.

‘Thank you,’ she tries.

She thinks that might have been the wrong, because Bobbi just nods and smiles a little sadly.

‘I thought they might help you sleep,’ she says. She reaches out slowly to give Kara’s arm a comforting pat. ‘And remember, I’m here if you need me,’ she says. Of the team, she’s been the one to make the biggest effort to make Kara feel at home. And she appreciates it, she does. She thinks of Bobbi as a friend.

But this isn’t her home.

 

 

 

**iii.**

She gets shot twice and they take her out of the field for longer that she should need. The funny thing is, she doesn’t mind. Once, she’d have been itching to get out on missions again.

Now she’s glad of the days she doesn’t have to worry about getting killed in the name of Shield

 

 

 

**iv.**

‘You shouldn’t be down here,’ Bobbi says. She sounds concerned, careful.

Kara stares at the now closed door to Vault D. It’s not so much the thought of what they did to him that makes her want to be sick. She picked those bullets out of his side, after all. She knows what they did.

It’s just a sudden, sharp reminder that she’s in the wrong place.

‘I need to leave,’ she says.

 

 

 

**v.**

She doesn’t know where she’s going. Is it too late to find Grant?

It’s been so long.

It’s probably too late now.

She’s not been this alone in a long time. Not since Hydra. After that it was always Grant then always Shield. Now it’s just her and open road.

 

 

 

**vi.**

She wants a house. Not the endless chain of motel rooms and the constant feeling that she’s running from something.

 

 

 

**vii.**

She gets a job at a little museum when her money starts to run low. It means she has to stop moving, but she minds it less than she’d expected. She rents an apartment in the little town and puts a cactus on her windowsill.

She’s not sure she’d call herself happy, exactly, but peaceful almost covers it. She teaches herself to stop looking over her shoulder. It’s a slow process, but she learns to remind herself that Shield and Hydra have never touched this place.

She can start again.

 

 

 

**viii.**

Grant always talked about them getting a dog together, but it feels like too much work right now. She gets a little black cat instead, that curls up at the bottom of her bed at night, and is excited to see her when she gets home from work.

She calls it Tasha, and Kara’s not exactly sure her former mentor would appreciate it, but it’s not like the cat and the superhero are ever likely to meet, so she figures it doesn’t matter.

Kara gets herself a proper house, too. It’s not big, but it’s hers. She decorates it herself. She picks paint colours and furniture and pictures for the walls, and tries not to think about when she did this with Grant years ago.

(She misses him like hell.)

She is not the same person she was back then.

She has friends who can never judge her by her past. She’s doing well at work. Her life has almost, almost, fallen into place. This is almost home.

 

 

 

**ix.**

It’s a damp Sunday morning, and Grant turns up on her doorstep wearing a suit and holding a dozen pink roses.

She’s hardly awake, still wearing the shirt of his that she sleeps in.

‘I’m sorry,’ he says.

She’s had a long time to be angry at him, to be confused and hurt and lost. He’d faded a little, in her mind. He’d become a wound that didn’t quite heal properly. Ever present, but a pain that was easily lived with.

She throws her arms around him. ‘You’re late,’ she mumbles into his shoulder.

She feels his arms tighten around her. ‘I know,’ he says, and his voice is shaking. ‘I’m sorry.’

 

 

 

**x.**

It’s been too long for it to ever be the same again. He’s got new scars and new burdens and he seems to find these ones harder to share. She doesn’t ask. He’ll tell her, in time. She’ll tell him about the life she’s built since they last saw each other.

He settles slowly, hesitantly into this life. He doesn’t intrude – it’s more like he was always supposed to be there all along. He brings her coffee before she heads to work and visits her in her lunch breaks. He helps her redecorate the bathroom, and she suddenly has new shirts to steal.

Tasha likes him, anyway. And if the cat likes him, then he’ll have to stay.

 

**Author's Note:**

> \+ [tumblr](http://karapalamas.tumblr.com)
> 
> \+ [kara/grant fic masterpost](http://grantwards.co.vu/post/118146728650/grant-kara-fic-roundup)


End file.
